Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
