I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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