when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
