And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize