You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
