You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
