dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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