I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
