At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
