Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
