I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
