You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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