Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
