I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Say something about gay babies.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize