I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
