Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
