I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
