Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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