she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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