Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize