They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
