Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
