i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The beers last night were like the tears from god
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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