I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
