Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
