Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
