yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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