i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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