so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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