I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
