why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
