just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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