morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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