walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
