I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
