hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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