Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize