YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
