for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
