You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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