My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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