i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
