Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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