he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize