Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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