WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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