I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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