seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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