If that was your dad, he is hot
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
