I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
