Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
