I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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