literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
