I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
