You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize