so that wasnt chicken after all
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
