We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You pole danced in your parka.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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