Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
