Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
