After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
