based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We talked him into tasing himself.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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