im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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