Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
