If i come over, it means nothing
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
