Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Dignity is for republicans.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
