I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize