dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize