Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
