Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
