You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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