So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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